An unrelated photo from a park hang with my cousin. Thanks, Emmy!
Something interesting has been happening as I’ve been writing personal essays over the past few months.
I start writing about a specific thing: a story that really happened, a broader topic, etc. I think it’s about one thing. As I keep writing, I realize it’s actually about something else.
The story, the moment, that grabbed my attention is the way in to write about it’s actually about.
Which makes me think of these words my recent podcast guest Laura Ellen Joyce shared:
“You have to unearth your own story about what writing is, about the work itself, as well as the story you’re working on. It all happens at the same time, but you can’t force or rush it and no one can do it for you.”
(Check out the full episode on rituals for creative writing + unearthing our deepest stories here!)
For example: writing about queer sex is actually writing about vulnerability. A cute story about family is about shame, and it’s about healing. On it goes. I write and I process and I write and I get to the deeper truth of things - the unearthing that Laura Ellen talks about.
So when I read this quote from Melissa Febos the other day:
“My awakening as a human being in my life and in myself has happened alongside — and is totally integrated with — my process of growing and awakening as a writer.”
I nodded right along. Because I don’t know how to make sense of my life without writing. Because I don’t know how to write solely for other people. Because just like I grow through therapy, through moving towards generative conflict, through telling the truth, through learning coping skills to soothe my anxiety, through slowing down, I grow through writing.
I understand my life in a different way. I get down to the deeper truths of what is true.
What about you? Has this been your experience?
With care,
Eryn
I resonate with this so much, Eryn. I spoke with a friend recently about writing in general and on substack and he shared that you don't always know what you're writing until you write and eventually you start to see the threads in your work. I've been writing about living with disabilities, among other things, but usually the story is actually about letting go of the need to be productive to prove myself and settling deeply into community.
This is so true for me, too. I wrote a little collection of poems (10 pieces) last year, processing grief, and everything I thought I was going to write about ended up arriving on the page as something else. I'm finishing up a new collection of 10 right now, and although I've been writing almost one piece a day, all the things I thought I wanted to write about haven't appeared.